Navigating Relationship Challenges When One or Both Partners Have a History of Disordered Eating

Written By Edie Stark
partners go on date and ride a carousel after going to couple's therapy

Relationships come with their fair share of challenges—communication, intimacy, household chores (seriously, how does dust multiply overnight?). But when one or both partners have a history of disordered eating, new layers of complexity can arise, often in unexpected ways. Food, and body image are deeply personal topics, yet they are woven into so many aspects of daily life, making it important to navigate them with care, mutual respect, and a shared commitment to well-being.

As an eating disorder psychotherapist and someone deeply rooted in the Health at Every Size (HAES) and anti-diet framework, I’ve seen how these issues show up in relationships.

Here are three common scenarios couples face and how to navigate them in a way that supports both partners.

1. One Partner Wants to Go on a Diet

Maybe one partner has decided they want to start a new diet, do a “cleanse,” or try a “lifestyle change” that just so happens to involve restriction. For the partner with a history of disordered eating, this can feel deeply unsettling, bringing up past struggles, triggering old thought patterns, or even leading to feelings of disconnection in the relationship.

How to Navigate It:

  • Have an Open and Honest Conversation – It’s okay to express discomfort with diet talk in your shared space. Use “I” statements, such as, “I feel really uneasy when conversations center around weight loss, and I want to make sure our home remains a safe space for both of us.”

  • Set Boundaries – It’s perfectly reasonable to ask that weight-loss discussions, calorie counting, or body-checking don’t become a regular part of shared conversations. Boundaries aren’t about control; they’re about protecting your well-being.

  • Offer Alternatives – If your partner is seeking to make changes for their health, encourage a non-diet approach: focus on joyful movement, intuitive eating, or self-care that isn’t tied to restriction.

  • Self-Check: Is It a Shared Value? – If you and your partner have vastly different views on diet culture, it may be worth exploring deeper conversations about shared values around health and well-being.

2. One Partner Experiences Unintentional Weight Changes

Bodies change—through stress, aging, illness, medication, or life itself. If one partner experiences noticeable weight gain or loss, it can stir up insecurities, fear of judgment, or old disordered thoughts in both individuals.

two women seeking couples therapy in san diego are smiling after a session

How to Navigate It:

  • Recognize Body Autonomy – Everyone’s body is their own, and changes are natural. Instead of making weight the focus, center discussions on how each of you feel in your bodies rather than how they look.

  • Unpack Internalized Bias – If weight changes in your partner bring up discomfort, reflect on where those feelings come from. Have societal messages about weight seeped into your perceptions of attraction, health, or worth? Recognizing and challenging these biases can be powerful.

  • Keep Compliments Value-Neutral – Instead of “You look so much better now!” (which implies a hierarchy of body sizes), try compliments that celebrate the whole person: “I love how much you light up when you talk about that book you just read” or “I love how comfortable we are together.”

  • If You’re the One Struggling with Changes – If your partner’s weight shifts have triggered old body image concerns for you, it’s important to recognize that your feelings are valid, but they are yours to work through. Seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend can help prevent projecting insecurities onto the relationship.

3. A Major Life Event Brings Up Body Image Concerns

Weddings, vacations, pregnancy, and major milestones tend to amplify body-focused anxieties. Whether it’s pressure to “look your best” for an event or fears about how body changes will be perceived, these moments can bring up old struggles.

How to Navigate It:

  • Reject the “Event-Body” Mentality – The idea that you need to shrink, sculpt, or change for a big moment is deeply rooted in diet culture. Instead of focusing on body size, shift focus to how you want to feel—strong, energetic, comfortable, present.

  • Support Each Other’s Emotional Needs – If your partner is struggling with body image leading up to a big event, remind them that their worth isn’t tied to aesthetics. Reinforce that they are loved and valued exactly as they are.

  • Call Out Harmful Narratives Together – If wedding vendors, family members, or media push body-altering expectations (“Shredding for the Wedding” or “Bouncing Back After Baby”), talk openly about how toxic these messages are and commit to resisting them together.

  • Practice Self-Compassion – Give yourself and your partner grace. If either of you is struggling, self-kindness will go further than self-criticism. A mantra like, “My body is worthy and enough, always,” can be a helpful grounding tool.

The Bigger Picture: Your Relationship is More Than Bodies

At the core of all these challenges is a reminder that relationships aren’t built on body size, diets, or external appearances. They are built on shared experiences, values, humor, and love. A supportive partnership means creating a space where both of you feel seen, respected, and cared for—regardless of how bodies may change.

For couples where disordered eating histories are present, open communication, boundary-setting, and mutual understanding are key to fostering a healthy dynamic. If challenges around food and body image feel overwhelming, seeking support—whether through individual therapy, couples counseling, or support groups—can help deepen connection and create a relationship that honors both partners’ well-being.

No matter where you and your partner are in your journey, know that your love is not defined by body size, and your relationship is worth navigating these challenges with care and compassion.

Want to Learn More? Check out these blogs:

On All Things Relationships:

On Relationships and Parenting:

On All Things Eating Disorder Recovery:

Eating Disorder Therapists, Edie & Nicole, sit on couch laughing

Our Services:

Stark Therapy Group offers therapy for all types of eating disorders, including Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia. We offer a 3-tiered family based support for teens in eating disorder recovery. We treat anxiety, depression and general mental health conditions. We offer 3-tiered family based support for teens with general mental health issues. We also offer couples therapy. We would love to help you on your mental health journey. Reach out today for a free consultation!

Edie Stark
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