Exploring the Eating Disorder Part vs. the Authentic Self:

Inviting Internal Support into the Healing Process through IFS

Eating Disorder Awareness Week (EDAW) is a time to reflect on recovery, resilience, and the inner battles that often go unspoken. As an eating disorder therapist that works from a Internal Family Systems (IFS) lens, I have witnessed the power of inviting compassion, rather than critic, into the healing process. One of the most profound shifts in recovery comes from understanding the distinction between the part of you that holds onto the eating disorder (the ED Part) and the core, authentic Self that is capable of healing.

The ED Part: A Protector, Not an Enemy

One of the biggest misconceptions about eating disorders is that they are purely destructive forces that must be eliminated. IFS challenges this view by recognizing that all parts, even the eating disorder, belong. The ED Part has likely developed as a way to protect you from deep pain—perhaps shielding you from overwhelming emotions, a sense of powerlessness, or a trauma. This part has helped you survive in the best way it knew how, even if its methods are now harming you.

In IFS, we do not seek to banish the ED Part but rather to understand it. When we push our parts away with criticism, they tend to fight back harder.

Instead, we ask questions like:

What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t engage in these behaviors?
What do you need from me?

Imagine a frightened child clinging tightly to a coping mechanism because they don’t trust that there is another way to feel safe. That child doesn’t need punishment or rejection—they need reassurance. The same is true for the ED Part. It belongs, and it deserves to be heard.

The Authentic Self: The Healing Force Within

In IFS, we recognize that beneath all of our parts, we have an authentic Self—a core essence that is calm, compassionate, and wise. Our Self is not broken or damaged by trauma; it is always there, ready to lead with curiosity and care. The challenge in recovery is not about creating a new Self, but rather, about reconnecting with the one that already exists.

So how do we build trust with our Self when the ED Part has been in control for so long? The answer lies in small, intentional acts of self-care and nurture.

Building Trust Through Self-Care and Nurture

Self-care is often dismissed as indulgent or frivolous, but in IFS, we see it as a way to communicate safety to our internal system. When we engage in nourishing activities—whether it’s a warm bath, a gentle walk, or listening to music—we are showing our ED Part that there are other ways to feel soothed. These small acts send a message: I can take care of myself in ways that don’t involve harm or I disserve to feel safe and secure in this moment.

It’s important to recognize that building trust with the Self takes time. If you have spent years relying on the ED Part, it won’t immediately step aside. This is where patience and compassion come in.

Every time you choose nourishment over “punishment”, you are reinforcing the idea that your Self is capable of leading.

Using R.A.I.N. When Feeling Overwhelmed

When the ED Part is loud, it’s easy to feel consumed by overwhelm. One tool that can be helpful in these moments is the practice of R.A.I.N., a mindfulness technique developed by Tara Brach.

R – Recognize what is happening. Notice when the ED Part is activated and acknowledge its presence without judgment.
A – Allow the experience to be there. Instead of fighting or suppressing the urge, give it space. Remind yourself that it makes sense why this part is showing up.
I – Investigate with curiosity. Ask yourself: What does this part need? What is it trying to protect me from?
N – Nurture with compassion. Instead of responding with criticism, offer yourself kindness. Imagine speaking to yourself the way you would to a dear friend in pain.

Practicing R.A.I.N. helps separate your Self from your parts. It allows you to recognize that the ED Part is not who you are—it is simply a part of you that needs care.

Inviting Curiosity Instead of Criticism

One of the most common struggles in eating disorder recovery is the tendency to criticize ourselves when we struggle. Why can’t I just eat normally? Why am I still engaging in these behaviors? These questions come from a place of frustration, but they often lead to more shame, which fuels the cycle of the eating disorder.

Curiosity is the antidote to criticism. Instead of berating yourself, try shifting your inner dialogue:

Criticism: “Why am I still doing this? I should be over it by now.”
Curiosity: “I wonder what triggered this urge today. What might I need right now?”
Criticism: “I’m failing at recovery.”
Curiosity: “What is my ED Part afraid of? How can I reassure it that I’m safe?”

This shift in mindset allows for deeper understanding and healing.

Recovery is not about perfection; it’s about learning to meet yourself where you are with gentleness.

Welcoming Internal Support

IFS teaches us that we don’t have to fight against our parts. Instead, we invite internal support. When the ED Part steps back, other protective parts may emerge—perfectionism, anxiety, self-doubt. But the more we cultivate trust with our Self, the more we can lead with confidence and compassion.

If you’re in recovery, I invite you to take a moment today to thank your ED Part—not because it should stay in control, but because it has tried, in its own way, to keep you safe. Let it know that your Self is here now, ready to lead. Healing isn’t about erasing our parts—it’s about helping them find new roles, ones that no longer require suffering.

This Eating Disorder Awareness Week, may we all practice more curiosity, more kindness, and more trust in the healing power of our authentic Self.

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Stark Therapy Group offers therapy for all types of eating disorders, including Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia. We offer a 3-tiered family based support for teens in eating disorder recovery. We treat anxiety, depression and general mental health conditions. We offer 3-tiered family based support for teens with general mental health issues. We also offer couples therapy. We would love to help you on your mental health journey. Reach out today for a free consultation!