Rediscovering Joy in the Kitchen: Navigating the Holidays in Eating Disorder Recovery

By: Edie Stark, LCSW
The holiday season often evokes images of kitchens filled with the aroma of spices, the warmth of ovens, and loved ones gathered around tables. For many, this season symbolizes togetherness, and celebration. For those in recovery from an eating disorder, the kitchen can feel like a daunting space—a reminder of past struggles or a potential minefield of triggers.

As an eating disorder therapist, I know how challenging the holidays can be for individuals in recovery. However, I also believe in the healing power of cultivating joy and connection in the kitchen. With intentionality and self-compassion, the holiday season can become an opportunity to create new, positive experiences around food. Here’s how you can approach the holidays with a fresh perspective and rediscover joy in the kitchen.

1. Focus on Connection, Not Perfection

Holidays often bring societal and cultural pressure for everything—from the meal to the table settings—to be “perfect.” For someone in recovery, this pressure can exacerbate anxiety around food and hosting. Shifting the focus from perfection to connection can help alleviate this stress and reframe the kitchen as a space for togetherness rather than performance.

Tips for Focusing on Connection:

Cook Together: Invite loved ones to join you in the kitchen. Cooking as a team can be a joyful and bonding experience, and it reminds you that meals are about sharing experience, not just the act of eating.
Let Go of “Rules”: Whether it’s a family recipe or a new dish, remind yourself that the goal isn’t to achieve culinary perfection. The goal is focus on how to work through the process.
Share Stories: Use cooking time to talk about family traditions, memories, or even funny kitchen mishaps from the past. This brings meaning and joy to the process beyond what ends up on the table.

2. Reconnect with the Sensory Experience of Food

The holidays offer a unique opportunity to slow down and appreciate the sensory richness of food. Smelling cinnamon, hearing the crackle of a roasting turkey, or tasting freshly baked cookies can help ground you in the present moment and bring pleasure back to the kitchen.

For individuals in recovery, rediscovering the sensory joys of food can be an important step toward healing a relationship with eating.

Tips for Engaging Your Senses:

Mindful Preparation: As you cook, take a moment to notice the colors, textures, and smells of the ingredients. Notice the joy of kneading dough, zesting citrus, or stirring a bubbling pot.
Taste Without Judgment: Give yourself permission to taste what you’re preparing without attaching moral labels like “good” or “bad.” Practice curiosity: How does it feel to try something you’ve made with care?

Use Favorite Ingredients: Incorporate spices, flavors, or textures that evoke positive memories or emotions. For instance, making a dish you loved as a child can bring comfort and nostalgia into the kitchen.

3. Set Boundaries Around Triggers

The kitchen can be an emotionally charged space during the holidays, particularly if it becomes a site of overwhelming expectations or triggering conversations. Setting boundaries—both with others and yourself—can make this season more manageable.

Tips for Boundary-Setting:

Delegate Responsibilities: If preparing an entire meal feels overwhelming, don’t hesitate to ask for help. Assign tasks to family members, whether it’s peeling vegetables, setting the table, or bringing dessert.
Establish Conversation Boundaries: If food-related commentary (e.g., calorie counting or diet talk) triggers discomfort, kindly but firmly steer conversations in another direction. For example, “I’d love to focus on the joy of being together rather than the food today.”
Take Breaks: If the kitchen becomes too stressful, step away. Spend time in a quiet space or engage in a calming activity like deep breathing or a quick walk outside.

4. Make Room for Playfulness and Creativity

Rediscovering joy in the kitchen doesn’t mean adhering to rigid recipes or traditions. Infusing creativity and playfulness into cooking can make the experience more enjoyable and less intimidating. The holidays are a wonderful time to try something new or adapt old traditions to better suit your current needs.

Tips for Cultivating Playfulness:

Try New Recipes: Experiment with festive recipes you’ve never made before, whether it’s a unique dessert, an international dish, or a colorful side. Focus on the adventure of trying, not the outcome.
Involve Kids: If you have children in your life, let them help with baking cookies, decorating cupcakes, or mixing batter. Their enthusiasm and lack of perfectionism can be contagious.
Create a “No-Rules” Recipe: Have fun creating something entirely your own, without worrying about following traditional methods. Whether it’s a hybrid dish or a whimsical plating idea, the freedom to experiment can reignite joy.

5. Practice Self-Compassion Throughout the Process

The holidays can be emotionally taxing, and it’s essential to approach yourself with gentleness and understanding. If a meal doesn’t go as planned, or if you feel anxious in the kitchen, remind yourself that it’s okay to have mixed emotions. Recovery is not linear, and every effort to engage positively with food is a step forward.

Tips for Practicing Self-Compassion:

Acknowledge Progress: Reflect on how far you’ve come in your relationship with food and the kitchen. Even small steps, like preparing one dish or trying one bite, are worth celebrating.
Give Yourself Permission to Feel: If cooking stirs up sadness, frustration, or guilt, allow yourself to feel those emotions without judgment. Processing these feelings is part of healing.
Focus on Self-Care: After cooking, take time for activities that nourish your mind and body, whether it’s journaling, listening to music, or taking a relaxing bath.

6. Reframe the Purpose of the Kitchen

Instead of viewing the kitchen as merely a space for food preparation, think of it as a space for creation, community, and celebration. The kitchen can become a place where you practice mindfulness, explore your creativity, and connect with loved ones. This reframing allows the kitchen to evolve from a place of fear into a place of joy.

Final Thoughts…

Rediscovering joy in the kitchen doesn’t happen overnight, especially if your relationship with food has been fraught in the past. However, the holiday season offers an opportunity to reimagine what the kitchen can mean for you. By focusing on connection, engaging your senses, setting boundaries, and practicing self-compassion, you can transform the kitchen into a space of healing and celebration.

Remember, the heart of the holidays isn’t about the perfect meal—it’s about the moments you create with those around you and within yourself. Give yourself compassion this season, and take it one bite, one step, one breath at a time. Joy in the kitchen is possible, and it starts with showing up just as you are.

Want to learn more about all things eating disorder recovery? Check out these blogs:

Our Services:

Stark Therapy Group offers therapy for all types of eating disorders, including Anorexia, Binge Eating Disorder and Bulimia. We offer a 3-tiered family based support for teens in eating disorder recovery. We treat anxiety, depression and general mental health conditions. We offer 3-tiered family based support for teens with general mental health issues. We also offer couples therapy. We would love to help you on your mental health journey. Reach out today for a free consultation!